Now this is a bit of a different setting here: I am blogging from my bed. Until today I have never ever taken my laptop to bed with me. But I needed to get away from the negative, hating and oh so angry source.
So today is the day when I finally told myself this is it, there is absolutely nothing more that I can do. It's amazing what things can bring that on. He sure has said meaner things to me and not necessarily swear words. It's the mental abuse. Belittling me. Well today it was him saying *Go to hell* after I tried to make a suggestion. And that's all it was. I don't dare complain to him anymore. He is such a hypocrist. If it's ok for him that does not automatically mean it's ok for you. I do not understand people like that and how they can live with themselves. I wish I could tell him straight to his face what kind of person he is. How miserable and mean he can be. How his negativity drains me...suffocates me. But I hate fighting in general. And that's all we do. I do not have the strength anymore. Even if he's wrong...I let him think he's right. He is also a very big teaser who does not know when to stop. Who does not know when the fun turns into pain and suffering. And how do you answer to a comment like: ' I was just kidding. Stop being so sensitive'. What is wrong with being sensitive? How about you giving me some more respect.
Now we come to another important thing in my life: Respect. It is one of the most important ingredients to a happy relationship. Whether it is with your loved one, your mother, father, siblings...it does not matter who.
The next one is trust...I do not trust him. Cheating comes to your mind right now, true? Well that's not what I am talking about. I do not trust his words. If he's serious with what he is saying at the moment. He will do everything possible to keep the upper hand and show you who is boss. Whatever happened to teamwork? Another important part in a relationship.
Right now I can only count on myself, trust myself as I give myself enough respect. I have let that go quite a bit over the past year but it's time to get it back. I need to feel good about myself again.
And to my dear friend: The Rainbow has finally realized it is damn time to sort those boxes and today I have started.
