Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone. And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell. And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name. "Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him",
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Around the corner I have a friend,
I also just read my dear friend's blog for the day: and it made me smile!
I am happy for her!
It is very quiet here today and I like it that way. It gives me a chance to reflect on things and try to sort them out. I am so grateful for having such wonderful friends like you. I wish I could meet you in person - all of you!!
Thank you for encouraging me for starting this blog. I read back often to remind me why I am doing all of this. It has given me strength and confidence. And most importantly: to stay focused and positive!
We can all use a little laugh now and then:
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Yet another shitty evening....I know that he knows something is up. He keeps asking me if everything is ok...trying to be all sweet and such. It makes my stomach turn. I try to talk to him casually...just to find out again, he is in his own little world and doesn't really care...because he does not react or answer me to what I have to say.
He makes nasty comments but yet he does not want a reaction from me and gets angry when I do. Who does he think I am?
Right now I am in the process of figuring out what kind of place I will be looking for to rent....and where? I hate to get stuck in a 1+ year lease as I have no idea what will be next. I do not want to be tied down again and not be able to make a decision right then and there...
A little *feel good* music before I go to bed:
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
I am walking up and down streets...very content. There is no panic...I am as calm as I could be.
I still don't know where I am and how I got here. 'Where is my passport?', I am asking to myself. A little bit of panic now rushes through my body. I cannot remember ever boarding a flight or going through security.
I open up my purse and there is everything you usually find in there..and my passport.
The sun is so bright, I should get a new pair of sunglasses.
I remember searching my wallet and all I can find in there is EUROs...
The end...my alarm is going off...time to go to work. :)
Monday, 15 February 2010
So today is the day when I finally told myself this is it, there is absolutely nothing more that I can do. It's amazing what things can bring that on. He sure has said meaner things to me and not necessarily swear words. It's the mental abuse. Belittling me. Well today it was him saying *Go to hell* after I tried to make a suggestion. And that's all it was. I don't dare complain to him anymore. He is such a hypocrist. If it's ok for him that does not automatically mean it's ok for you. I do not understand people like that and how they can live with themselves. I wish I could tell him straight to his face what kind of person he is. How miserable and mean he can be. How his negativity drains me...suffocates me. But I hate fighting in general. And that's all we do. I do not have the strength anymore. Even if he's wrong...I let him think he's right. He is also a very big teaser who does not know when to stop. Who does not know when the fun turns into pain and suffering. And how do you answer to a comment like: ' I was just kidding. Stop being so sensitive'. What is wrong with being sensitive? How about you giving me some more respect.
Now we come to another important thing in my life: Respect. It is one of the most important ingredients to a happy relationship. Whether it is with your loved one, your mother, father, siblings...it does not matter who.
The next one is trust...I do not trust him. Cheating comes to your mind right now, true? Well that's not what I am talking about. I do not trust his words. If he's serious with what he is saying at the moment. He will do everything possible to keep the upper hand and show you who is boss. Whatever happened to teamwork? Another important part in a relationship.
Right now I can only count on myself, trust myself as I give myself enough respect. I have let that go quite a bit over the past year but it's time to get it back. I need to feel good about myself again.
And to my dear friend: The Rainbow has finally realized it is damn time to sort those boxes and today I have started.