This is for you my dear Jan...

 

 

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”

- Anne Lamott

 

I know how much you loved Anne Lamott. 
It was just fitting to choose one of her quotes. And how perfect it is for you.
You shone so strong in so many people's lives! 
Truly an inspiration to a lot of us. 
I was very fortunate to have known you and be part of the wisdom, the joy and courage you shared!
You will be missed dearly.

Looking Back On 2012

2012 has been quite the challenging year. Challenging as in trying to be true to myself and what I believe in. 2011 didn't end well and 2012 certainly did not start off any better.

I was on sick leave from work due to burn out. Oh what a huge mess this turned into. I will not get into it, but I am so glad I got out of there. After my sick leave expired, I had the choice of going back or hand in my resignation. I chose the latter. I truly believe it was for the best, although I still don't have a new job today...

During this time I was very confused. I did not know what to do next. I had some serious depression going on then. All due to my last job. I was not able to think for myself. So with the help (demand) of my mom, I decided to move back to my native country. I literally resigned on the 24th and flew out the same day...

Germany was a whole different story. You need to know, I moved away from Germany in 1995 and I've only been back to visit. 2-3 weeks at a time.
So here I am, totally clueless with the attitude of "I've done it before, I can do it again". Yay me...doing the impossible....waaaaahaaaaait a minute. I was young and naive when I made my first big move. 17 years later and a little wiser and more cautious...you think about things, you haven't thought about before.
Here we go...getting health insurance, trying to get some sort of assistance to get me started...none of that. I had absolutely no right...except maybe to vote. I was treated like a foreigner. No right of unemployment or any other help.
Let's talk about finding a job. Impossible!! See, here in Germany it is very hard to switch from one profession to another *just like that*. Me working in Administration and switching to Banking while living in the US? Unimaginable in Germany. There is that. One rejection after another. Reason? No job experience. They did not want me.
No prospect of a job, difficulties in adjusting to the German lifestyle. The demands of my parents. I felt like such an outsider. In my own native country!! I was so sad, confused, disappointed, you name it.
After talking to some dear friends, I decided to move back to Canada. I could have not done it without a very special friend. Thanks T!! Thank you A and S for all of your support while in Germany!

So here I am, 6 months later and I do not regret my move deep down in my heart. Sure I have my doubts sometimes. I am sad I can't see my family when I want to. They are sad. I am sure I have broken my mom's heart a second time. First time was when I left Germany some 17 years ago...
But this is for me, my life. I finally want to live it!

I am not looking back, but will look ahead for new opportunities that await me!

Spotlight - Making a Difference - War Child & Shania Kids Can

I am so very honored that I have been invited to write this guest post. Thank you!

I'd like to focus your attention to two of my most important charities:





          War Child (The Power Of Childhood)        

Shania Kids Can         

Why did I choose these two charities? 


I know from my own personal experience that childhood is precious and it lays the grounds for your future. No child should be left behind under any circumstances. A good and safe upbringing is so important.
I've had my own struggles when growing up. School was a place I did not want to be. 

Before I was adopted at eight years old, I was very fortunate to have had one of the workers at the children's home,  be so dedicated in helping me find the right path. 
Without her I would have been truly lost. 

And then there are of course my adoptive parents. Whom I will be forever grateful to.

No child should ever be without a parent!


 

I believe the children are our future. 

Teach them well and let them lead the way. 

- George Benson 

I Love This Quote…

 

But some emotions don't make a lot of noise.

It's hard to hear pride.

Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat.

And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.

Erma Bombeck 1927-1996

 

 

Counting Down The Days

It's been a while since I have updated this blog. Forgive me.
Not much exciting has happened. I am just very busy with getting my affairs in order before my move to Germany.
For now I have come to terms with my decision. I am not as freaked out as I was in the beginning. That's a good thing. Those panic attacks take a huge toll on you, let me tell you!
Exactly three more weeks and I am on that plane to be with my family. Reconnect with where I grew up. I have not lived in Germany since 1995. I'm ready for this challenge - whatever it might bring.
On the other hand I also am playing out scenarios in my head about what I will do when I come back to Canada. Whoa Chris! Let's not rush it. But it's been on my mind quite frequently. I wonder why? Who knows what might be a year down the road.
Thank you for being by my side through this exciting and scary time of my life.

Drive By

I love this song...the beat...the lyrics...the cockiness of the whole song!

I hope you enjoy it too!

Deja Vu

I am not sure how many people remember my story about last year's New Year: I used to live in Connecticut for 12 years before moving to Canada. 

I had a wonderful friendship with an older lady there. I was quite close to her and I even called her my *second mom*. 

In 2010 I went to Connecticut to visit a friend and celebrate the 2011 New Year. Of course I was quite excited to visit my *second mom*... I dialled her number and it came up as disconnected...I tried a couple times, just to make sure I did not make a mistake. 

I was baffled... So I did some more research online and found that she really had passed away... There is so much more to tell, but make it short. I never found out how she passed away or where her grave yard was placed....I was devastated. 

 Last night...I had a dream about my friend Nina...she was alive and well. 

She was helping me with all my worries and supporting me in everything I might do.... It was a very peaceful dream. 

 May you rest in peace my dear friend Nina! 

 MY TRUE HOME

Drawn into tangible darkness,

Rushing high speed through a tunnel.

I’m somewhere between two worlds

Spiraling like water through a funnel.

I see a pinpoint of light in the distance,

Growing larger the closer I get.

But for some strange reason I’m not afraid?

And see it not as being a threat.

Entering into a realm so soothing

Of radiant, golden-white light,

Peace and warmth pours over my spirit,

It’s so beautifully – beautifully bright.

Moving with the flow of fine silk,

My translucent body glows;

Like thousands of tiny diamonds

They sparkle and superimpose.

A floodgate of knowledge has been opened,

With infinite waves of love;

There’s a pageantry of dramatic colors here

That just could never be dreamed of?

I see miraculous mountains of deep blue velvet

And spectacular valleys galore;

A waterfall dazzles with clarity and life,

This Elysian area I’d love to explore!

Drifting next into a garden,

With swaying grass so crisp, cool, and green;

The luminescent flowers pulsate,

Their shades so completely serene;

I hear music playing of harmonic beauty

That rolls like a glassy river.

Enchanting, mystical tones,

That would make any man alive shiver.

Then suddenly, I see someone in the distance,

Coming towards me to reunite.

This whistling persons emanating glow,

Is such a comforting and glorious sight?

When I can finally distinguish who it is,

I realize it’s my dear friend.

She tells me that it’s not yet my time,

And that I must now . . . go back.

I could stay an eternity at this divine place

From just these few things that I’ve been shown;

But I know one great day for sure I’ll be back,

Because I believe this is my true home.